Thursday, January 21, 2010

Unexpected grace...

Yesterday I told Karen that I would blog...daily. I don't know if that was such a smart idea...but here goes (don't expect essays...maybe more random thoughts).

I just experienced an unexpected bonding moment with my teenage daughter. Tonight she validated my motherhood. I have often told myself that maybe when the kids were 30 or 40 years old they would see that I had their back, tried the best I could to be stable, offered a compassionate shoulder to cry on, and did the best I could to lessen the impact of divorce. I never imagined I would receive a glimpse of that grace when she was 15 years old.

Tonight we sat in the car and talked...about the divorce...about the ugliness. She was 7 months old when we split up. She says she doesn't know the truth about what happened...meaning who left who. Frankly, I don't know if the truth is that easily explained any more. It's probably a little bit of my truth and little bit of his. She says she will never know the truth, because there are "two sides", "two perceptions". She seemed okay with that. So did I.

In the midst of the conversation she looked at me and said I had "moved on", "grown up". My 15 year-old, so very much in the present, helped me see that I have mostly let go of the past. I don't need to fight...I don't need to explain my side...I don't need to make sure she gets how hard I try to be a good mom. She sees it. We live it.

So tonight, in a very unexpected moment, we both grew up. I could see in her eyes that she is going to be okay, and I felt the same for myself. It is so hard to know if we are doing a good job as moms. Especially when the kids are teenagers and they start to exert their independence. My lesson learned: just live true to who you are...and know that one day they will see the sacrifices and love you give them. That grace may come sooner than you think. -Cathy

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So so cool that you BOTH got to see. And 20 years early!! Awesome.