So. Cathy said I should blog. I would not have, frankly, without her prompting but she brought up a great point: This is what life looks like a lot of the time. At least be honest about it.
I got a call this morning before 8 am on my cell from my main boss-lady (I am a freelancer with several boss-ladies and a boss-guy). When that happens, I know something has gone terribly awry. Not one but two last-minute projects kinda blew up my day--this day...the day I'm supposed to working on Eve's Daughters stuff. Stressing to get my girl to school, I tried really really hard not to rip off her head and scream down the hole when she suggested she leave several dozen math problems (her least-favorite subject) until late tonight when they're due early tomorrow. Other little "mice" as my friend Kathy calls them--niggling little obnoxious things that go wrong at bad times--occurred, such as the kitchen faucet screen coming loose enough to spray water like a clown with seltzer all over my windows.
In the midst of this, I called a young women with whom I was to meet today--a single mom who's struggling. She asked apologetically if we could reschedule. I mouthed thankyaJesus so I could put out all the newly erupted fires. But then I thought: I know I need to be doing Eve's Daughters...I just don't know how I can be doing Eve's Daughters when life is crazy a lot of the time. I'm not in a position to be turning down paying work; again, as a freelancer, you have to take it as it comes. But am I working for money or God? I wish it truly were the latter but I'm telling you, He's got to pay better, you know?
So there's my honest confession, courtesy of Cathy, of saying reality kinda bites sometimes. I believe I know what I've been called to do; it's just that life gets in the way a lot of the time. And while I'm pretty sure that God will someday judge our progress with Eve's Daughters and proclaim me a major disappointment (because He always liked Cathy best), I try to remember to get out of my own way and not give myself too much credit--that I'm so terribly important that the world might just spin off its axis without me. You know. More or less.
So later this afternoon, when the fires died to embers, I took myself out for a walk and enjoyed the blustery smells. Then I made some dinner and wrote my to-do list for tomorrow and realized it will all keep going--Eve's Daughters included--with or without me. Em may be up late tonight doing math problems and learning a valuable lesson about time management. I probably don't have to micromanage that.
I wish I could wrap this up cleverly but I'm fresh out. Just know, moms, that we're all trying to figure it out. But at least we have each other. And we're keeping it honest.